Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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