Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
How's work?
Spinning.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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