Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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