Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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