Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
