so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
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Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
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I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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