Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
