plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
