ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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