He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
