Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
