His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
