Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
