the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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