It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
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Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
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It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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