This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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