I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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