So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
