You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The air was thick with penises
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
