How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
he was CRYING into my vagina
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize
