You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
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