there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
