I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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