we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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