i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
