Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
