dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
