Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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