I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
