Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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