big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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