One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Randomize
