I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Boobs speak an international language.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
