omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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