My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
