so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
