It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Randomize
