Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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