Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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