I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
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