he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
