i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
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what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
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Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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