Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
