Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
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Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
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Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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