everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
