mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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