Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
