WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
