When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
