You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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