Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
