I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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