His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
The beer is more important than you right now.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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