My room smells like vodka and shame
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
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I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
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We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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