There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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