I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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