If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
