Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
