so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
