I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
