Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
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His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
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I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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