I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
