my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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