I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
