Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
