Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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