everyone is single if you try hard enough
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
