i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
