oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
