Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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