the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
