So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
