Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
