Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Randomize
